I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
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