Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
