OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
Randomize
