Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
