When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
