why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
Come share oat with me in your robe
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
Randomize
