ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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