According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
Randomize
