Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
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I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
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Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
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