I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
