yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
Randomize
