I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize
