Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
Randomize
