Its a bunch of hippies dancing in front of a stobe light. For ten dollars I could have gone to the strip club and at least had a lap dance
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Randomize
