Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Randomize
