I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
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