thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
Randomize
