I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
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