Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
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