Already got asked if we're dating
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
Randomize
