Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
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