I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
Randomize
