Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
Randomize
