Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
Randomize
