Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
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