Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Randomize
