someone get that fucking seahorse.
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
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