Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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