I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
