so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
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