I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
Randomize
