he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
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