Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
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