oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
Randomize
