i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
Randomize
