you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
