I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize