hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
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