cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize
