Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
