rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize
