On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
Randomize
