Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
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