We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Randomize
