her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
