remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
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