idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
