we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
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