Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
Randomize
