I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize