Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Randomize
