U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
wow bdsm is so cute
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
Randomize
