she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
I think your dad took our porno
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
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