i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
