With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
Randomize
