If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
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