i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
im calling her cock vulture from now on
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
Randomize
