Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
sex in a hospital.. check
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
Damn victory sex feels great
Randomize
