Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
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