she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Randomize
