the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
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